The Purpose and Meaning of Marriage

There is much confusion in the world as to the definition of marriage. Among the voices are those asking, "Why shouldn't I be able to marry the person I love?" That question begs another question, namely whether love alone defines marriage.

The Purpose of Marriage
Marriage has historically involved fidelity, commitment, sacrifice, work, children, love, and yes, intimacy between a man and a woman. What has defined marriage, however, is the stable structure a man and woman create by entering into it—the family—one which is ideal for rearing children. Various studies have shown that children need both a father and a mother to reach their full potential. From a practical perspective, society has always had a vested interest in stable families because children literally are the future. When families fail, we see a range of negative consequences from poor self esteem and scholastic performance issues to gang involvement, none of which represent the best possibilities for the future.

There are, of course, families where a parent or children are absent, marriage itself is absent, or marriage was never a part. That does not make them the ideal or model of either marriage or family, however. Similarly, both marriages and families have their share of problems. Those problems are usually a result of the choices of the individuals involved, not the structure or form of traditional marriage and family.

Maggie Gallagher summarizes the need for traditional marriages and families this way:

"The marriage idea is that children need mothers and fathers, that societies need babies, and that adults have an obligation to shape their sexual behavior so as to give their children stable families in which to grow up."

What About Love?
Love can and does exist without marriage. Consider siblings, parents and their children, and friendships. Love does not require the institution of marriage. Likewise, human intimacy can and does exist outside of and independent of marriage (which arguably causes its own set of problems). What sets marital love apart is the commitment and sacrifice for a common purpose, namely the creation of a family both capable and suited to rearing children. Without sacrifice and service, love is hollow and meaningless. It is true love that motivates the sacrifice of self interest, and the willingness to conform to and adhere to the conditions expected of traditional marriage. That is what makes traditional marriage so well suited to family life.

Why do we so strongly support the preservation of traditional marriage? For the preservation of the family. Again Maggie Gallagher says it best: "Same-sex marriage would enshrine in law a public judgment that the desire of adults for families of choice outweighs the need of children for mothers and fathers." The needs of children outweigh the needs of self-interested individual adults, and children need both a father and a mother.

Every human on the planet has needs and desires. That does not mean we should instantly seek to gratify every one of them. Andrew Tallman: "But strong desires do not justify behavior. Otherwise the study of ethics would be nothing more than the articulation of our impulses." The problem with the seemingly-plausible argument that love is enough to justify the redefinition of marriage (and, by extension, family) is that it relies purely on emotion to make life-changing decisions. Love is wonderful and important, but by itself it does not define marriage and is not a reason to erase traditional marriage.

References
http://www.weeklystandard.com/Utilities/printer_preview.asp?idArticle=2939&R=13BAC193F9

http://townhall.com/columnists/AndrewTallman/2008/07/31/five_logical_errors_of_the_born_gay_ideology?page=1